These Phrases from A Dad Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."